Final Post of 2017

This post is two months later than all the other posts, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I mean for the people doing my grades it is, but for me, this moment in time feels as good a time as any to write a blog post about reflection. Having just wrapped up my junior year at MUHS, passing only two of my four classes of the last semester, gearing up for summer school (yay), and working practically every day, I feel a lot of stress. I feel like life is closing in on me, and sometimes I wish that a hole would open up in the floor under me, and hide me from all that I fear. Unfortunately, no magic hole will come and save me from this. So I guess my only option is to figure this stuff out, whether it’s on my own or with the help of the people who care about me.

This last year for me has been a complete roller coaster. A lot of mornings I would wake up with a sinking feeling of dread, hours before school, and I would think about all of the commitments and responsibilities I would have to juggle in the day to come. There were days where I didn’t have work done, I wasn’t prepared for class, and I didn’t know what the heck was going on. There were days where I’d be hiding in a bathroom stall balling my eyes because I felt like all of my attempts to please everyone and succeed were pointless. There were days where I felt more like a door mat than a student. My ambition was plummeting faster than my GPA. I’m going to take most of the responsibility for my lack of success because I know that there were always people here to help me, and I didn’t necessarily have to let myself be dragged down like this. However, on the last day of school before finals, I got to witness the majority of the MUHS student body scramble and stress over their tests and essays and last minute assignments. I saw people cry because they felt that they didn’t study hard enough. One of my best friends eyes were sunken and bloodshot because she’d studied all night until 5:00am. I realized then and there that maybe slacking off wasn’t the worst thing in the world, because some of these people who’ve worked themselves to a pulp weren’t fulfilled with their success. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter what we do, we’re never going to feel like it’s enough. The day before finals was really one of the only days at MUHS of my entire junior year that I’d felt like I was doing something right.

Here’s the thing about What’s the Story. It’s not something you need to dread, or stress about. Any pressure that’s put on a student is backed by support and encouragement. When I do work for What’s the Story, I feel like I’m being productive and not just doing busy work to pass a class. It’s the best thing you can experience as a student, you know, feeling like your work is actually benefiting you. Through the whole process I was getting supportive emails and messages from many of the people involved with What’s the Story, and I felt like I wasn’t alone in this work. I had a great team, and together we created things worth remembering and building on, and I’m extremely proud of all of us. On the first day of my second year of What’s the Story I felt in control; like I had so many possibilities waiting for me and it was entirely up to me. Everyone who signs up for What’s the Story understands the dedication and time it takes, but wants to be a part of it regardless. So you’re immediately surrounded by people who are going to put in one hundred percent of their effort.

It gives you so much more than a regular high school class. You build connections with so many people, not just in the program, but the people you interview, the people who read your posts, and even the people who come in and present to us during our retreats. There’s a level of trust that you have to put in other people, which makes for a lot of cooperation and teamwork.

What’s the Story has been a major highlight of my school year. In a lot of ways I think that the grounded and supportive nature of the course is part of what helped me get through this year.

 

Profile photo of Brynna Kearns
Brynna Kearns

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